“I was ripped apart stem to stern, shedded to pulp. Like hamburger. I can’t talk too long about the surgery for that without crying. So humiliating. When I went for the 6 week postpartum check up I wasn’t healed. “Oh, no, most women aren’t healed in 6 weeks. That is normal.” Normal. How is that normal? He wouldn’t recommend doing anything to correct the maiming for six months. “That is the time it takes to really finish the healing process from a vaginal birth”, he says. “Why wasn’t I told that before you scarred me for life?” “Oh”, he says, then women wouldn’t get pregnant, would they, if they knew?”
Excerpt from my dialogue with the nurse/midwife:
Me: I am very scared about my vagina and genitals being torn apart.
Her: I will keep my hands very busy down there.
Me: Huh? What does that mean?
Her: I will be massaging you.
Me: Rubbing me? Like masturbating me?
Her: Massaging isn’t the right word.
Me: What is the right word?
Her: It is stretching and pulling with the hands to soften the vagina and surrounding parts before the baby comes out.
Me: (rooted to my chair and paralyzed by fear? disbelief?) You think that your damage to my nether regions before the baby damages them is going to help?
Her: (with a big, demented grin) Oh dear, you worry too much. I’ve done this to hundreds of women. It will be joyful!!
Me: (to myself in a moment of clarity) This woman is insane. They let insane people practice medicine. Where is the door?
“Performing gynaecological surgeries on women who have had vaginal deliveries is a huge revenue stream for the hospital I work at. Are women told this? No. What’s more, only a small percentage of these damaged women opt for these surgeries. Many suffer and never visit a doctor.”
“Thank you for forcing the conversation
about how vag births destroy women. I
have always been too ashamed to talk about what happened to me – I still am and
would die if anyone but you knew – so thank you for letting me tell you how vag
birth destroyed me and also my marriage without telling you who I am.” “I am tired of being heroic and having a
‘positive’ outlook. That is deception
and crap and I just won't do it anymore. Teenagers make you understand
that motherhood wasn’t ‘worth it’.”
"Natural childbirth" 10 months
ago -- Should the appearance of my inner vulva, urethra, vaginal opening be so different compared to before the
birth? The urethra is about 1/2 inch higher up. The vaginal opening, which used to be a small (0 - 1cm)
opening which I could clench shut at will, now takes up the entire cleft, no matter how many Kegels I do. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i felt similar, its like a "road
Crash" so perfect before..I know about the bath too when i stand up i
"leak" where water has got in...(SORRY TMI) i think it happens to us
all, even the celebs that don’t have arranged c sections ;) Just
another thing us women have to put up with ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ I know mine definitely changed appearance
down there as well. Once after going to the bathroom, something felt different
while wiping. I used the TP to feel around. I finally got out a mirror and
looked. OMG< the horror! It looks like some of my vaginal wall is falling
out of the opening. It's still kind of like that. Both of my babies were big,
and I tore even with the episiotomy. I think they have a surgery now called
vaginal reguvination (sp?). I 1st heard about it on Dr Drew on the discovery
channel. I think after all my babies, I'll be checking into that. So, you're
not the only one ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ hear you ladies. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Yeah, nobody ever tells you about this
stuff. I had an episiotomy and then tore all the way through to my
rectum. Took them just about as long to sew me up as it took to push
out my son. My opening is very large too, sorry. My Dr. will
actually be repairing it after this one, hopefully, and stitching it
smaller. I almost need 2 tampons to keep them in, so not
cool. I would bring it up to your Dr. ,but some of hte changes
aren't going to be fixed, that's a lot of trauma for your body to go through. I
keep reminding myself of how lucky I am to have my son and another one on the
way, but it's still hard. I won't ever wear a bikini
either. I keep telling my DH that I'm getting a tummy tuck and new
boobs when we are done, I think he thinks I'm kidding... -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I know what you all mean and so do a lot of
my friends. and now that I am a single mom I’m totally paranoid about people
seeing it. ive looked at pics online and mine doesnt hang TOO much, not like
what I’ve seen but i did notice the inner labia does hang, and even the outer a
little. and i do kegals EVERYDAY and i still feel like i cant get tight and i
don’t have sex a lot seeing as I’m single and not into sleeping around. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wow, you guys collectively have scared me
beyond anything i've feared before. I’m 19 and having my first baby- im 5 mos
now and awaiting this day...i had kind of gotten over my fear of child birth,
ready to face facts...until i read these comments. now, i just don't know what
to do. i'll never be the same again, and my husband... Lord knows he deserves
the best... my chest isn't all that perky to begin with- that's going to get
worse, i've been a lil overweight before, now my stomach has no hope of
regaining flatness...and the one thing i had going was my virginity before i
got married...now thats not really gonna matter coz my 'intimacy' with him is gonna
be effected in so many ways. do you recommend at least a labiaplasty? im just
so afraid of what's to come. i've wanted a family all my life, and i know there
are some women who would die to be pregnant- but at the cost of destroying
anything i've ever had 'going' for me physically? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ok i have to say I'm SOOO glad I'm not
alone in this. Up until I read this thread i though I was just
loosing my mind. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I had labiaplasty done when I was
19. I am now 21 and just had my first child 2 months
ago. My labiaplasty proceedure cost $5500. I got a medical
loan for it with no interest for a year. I went to the only female
specialist there is, Dr. ****in ******. She is really
good. However, the way it looks all depends on the way your body
heals. Healing time is 6 weeks. It's pretty painful, but
not as painful as recovering from a vaginal birth! I had one 1st
degree tear on the side wall and one 1st degree tear on my labia. My
labia looks the same, but the rest. It seems as if my insides are
turning out! After I finish having children I will definitely be
going back to my Dr. for a rejuvenation procedure if it still looks like this
(or worse)! I had a co-worker tell me that his wife looked very
different down there after she had their two kids. I didn't think it
could be that bad, but now I know what he was talking about! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I wish someone would have told me the hell
my VAG would take, especially because you can schedule c-sections
now! I don't care how much longer it would've taken to heal, I hate
feeling like a freak in my own skin, and HATE what it has done to my once fulfilling
sex life! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- oh my god i have finally found a bunch of
women describing what i thought was a freak show in my pants,i thought
something was wrong with my vagina and i had asked the dr and nurse who all
said it looked normal.....NO IT DOES NOT.... my vagina makes noises when i walk
like a sloppy piece of wet meat(sorry this is really grose) i look at it and
can not believe i can see my insides it has effected my sex life and the way i
feel about myself "down there" im so glad to find out its not just in
my head as my partner tells me.... thank you. and ill definitely look into
surgery after number 2. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I think i am about to describe the same
thing as most of you. i am currently 8 months pregnant and have a 2 year old
son whom i gave birth to vaginally. I received an episiotomy and was stitched
up afterwards but the stitches ripped a few weeks later and I was never resewn.
I just looked down there because things are feeling pretty swollen and it looks
like my vagina is inside out! I mean where the opening is there is a hole but
it is surrounded by pink tissue coming out in every direction. I never noticed
it to this extent before I did notice a couple little pink things hanging out
but today when I looked it was as if it was turned completely around it looked
so stretched and abnormal. I have never heard of anything like this before it looks
to me like it was never sewn up or when the stitches ripped it left tissue from
inside exposed and hanging on the outside. Does this sound familiar
to anyone please let me know! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am 26 and just had my first child 5 wks
ago. I would kinda always think people were lying when they said "it goes
back to normal" and now I know they were lying. My vagina doesn't look too
terrible but the opening is much bigger and there is a bump of skin at the
opening. I am going for my 6 wks check up next week and I'm going to enquire
about the changes. As far as sex goes.......omg, I don't want to even think
about it. I got a 3rd degree tear from my baby. She was only 5lbs 10oz so God
only knows what would have happened if she'd been a normal size baby. I think
I'm pretty much healed down there but it's still sore to touch it so I imagine
sex isn't going to be pleasurable at all, for awhile anyway. When I talk to my
husband about the changes he just blows me off saying its fine, blah blah blah.
I bet if he had a mangled penis it wouldn't be fine :). ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ came across this having googled 'vagina
after child birth'. It has been 2 years since I gave birth for the
first time, during which I had an episiotomy & about 10 stitches, and
despite no one really explaining it to me, I think it was bad down there as I
had a catheter in for 4 days after. I also got shocking hemorrhoids
during the birthing process. I've been too frightened too look 'down
there' for a long time, primarily since an appointment with a GP about 4 weeks
after the birth, who held up a hand mirror to show me pointed out that part of
my bowels are coming through my vagina!!! She was completely
unfussed and said this was completely common in women who have given
birth! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hi, I have had a section and a natural
birth. I would defo go for the section. Put it this way
when you have a section- its easier for your body to repair. Its
more straight forward than your vagina repairing. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My wife had my child three years ago and i
have to say omg did it change . the area between her vagina opening and her
anis is all messed up like it ripped and never got fixed she has alot of excess
skin hanging out . When she spreads her legs its as if u can see straight down
the vagina opening . it also got dark skin around it .its also looser way
looser . it used to be the hottest vagina i ever saw . i loved it so much . i
still love my wife more than ever but how do you tell her this is going on she
is to embarrassed to talk to the gyno about it . ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- OH MY GOD! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Three of my male friends and I have all
found this board independently looking for answers to what has happened to our
wives after birth. We found out that we had all found this board after the
newest of us Dads asked if sex was different after birth. So let me tell you
this, because I could and never would say anything to my wife: We notice. It's
different. It's not nearly as good. We know that, because of our love for you,
the cost and the probability of more children, saying anything about the
changes would only make you self-conscience, lead towards less sex and an
unhappy wife. So don’t expect your husbands or boyfriends to tell you that things
aren’t as good. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So relieved to find this
forum. I have been so self conscious since having my daughter 3
years ago. Nothing looks the same. I can see the inside,
which is pretty much outside, definitely looser, have the same problem with
water getting in, and unfortunately, during sex, a lot more air than would've
before her. I had a horrible birth experience, she was stuck for 2
hours, and then this...I know it's horrible, but I honestly wish I had chosen
to have a c-section. I've been with my boyfriend now for almost 9 months, and
just found out that he noticed a lot more than he said he did. He
told me that he had worried that I "had something" that
would cause it and that it was contagious because he didn't understand how it
could look like that after. I am the first woman he's been with to have a child,
so in his defense, he would have no way of knowing what to expect...but it's
still heartbreaking to hear. I wish I had known that I was be THIS
different after birth, because I am almost positive that I would've chose a
c-section. I really feel like a monster sometimes. I
can't look at myself "down there" without being nauseated, and it is
hard to see that while remembering how much nicer I looked before, and nicer I
felt. Sex feels different, and while still amazing, i miss that
tightness. I love my daughter dearly, and ultimately, she was worth
it...but I do know that if I ever have another child, I will totally have a
c-section. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In response to everyone89, unfortunately
from a male point of view what he says is spot on. Not only can you visually
tell a mile away that a vagina has been used to birth a child but if you ever
try to have sex with it, you will be severely disappointed. Sex is no where
near as good, in fact it makes watching television or sleeping look really
attractive. This is a very sad but true fact. Child birth butchers vaginas,
just wish more males knew this before committing to a marriage. In my case the
changes were so huge I lost all interest in sex and the relationship and it
ended in divorce. These days when I date a lady I chat about how much I love
children and does she have any???? the answer determines if I stay
or run! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 'm getting angry now! I am absolutely
devastated this has happened to me also. I'm 21 and have a prolapse after my
first baby. This has ruined my sex life and my confidence. I'm disgusted by what
i see in the mirror. Why are we not warned of this??! They teach us sex
education in schools and how to get pregnant, but they don’t teach us the life
changing effects we have to live with years after giving birth! This thread
should be shown to everyone so that they can make an informed decision about
childbirth. I bet it would prevent a lot of teenage pregnancies! Can anyone
tell me why nurses and friends/family with experience of childbirth are
reluctant to tell us the truth? and if anybody says childbirth is not that bad
i know now that they're lying. I have a very small frame and found it VERY
painful. I sympathize with everyone who is going through this hell. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I'm terrified now!!!! I have a 5 yr old.. I
had her csection bc she was breech I didn't experience labor, contractions
anything like that.. Iam pregnant with my 2nd and I have another csec
scheledule for aug 30. I was going to try natural bc I didn't
experienced it before but now I think tht csec is looking better.lol.. my
recovery was painful but only lasted about a week.. my stomach went back to
being flat and the scar is very low and little and u can barely see it. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well it’s been 4 yrs and mine hasn’t gone
away :-). I also had a 2nd degree tare after giving birth naturally (I had no
pain relief due to the fact everyone told me, childbirth is "not that
bad" but that’s going off the subject). When they stitched me up the
midwife told me there was a bit of excess sticking out due to my tare and she
wasn’t going to cut it off because she thought it would bleed too much. She did
a botched job with the stitches and they hurt so bad I couldn’t walk properly,
so the health visitor took them out early at my house. She told me not to
worry, everything looks fine and healed nicely, but she was wrong. Ever since
then I have been really sore down there, it burns during and after sex and
looks very untidy with bits sticking out that definitely weren’t there before!
I agree with SweetPea45, young women need to be made aware of this; it’s just
too big of an issue. It comes as a massive shock to most women. I spoke to so
many experienced mums when I was pregnant, not 1 of them mentioned this. Maybe
the subject is taboo? I really can’t come up with an answer, but I can say one
thing for sure. I will not lie when somebody asks for the truth. If this forum
helps one woman to avoid it, then it’s all been worth it. Does anyone know if
it’s possible to get this problem fixed on the nhs? ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am 10 weeks pregnant and have been
contemplating an elected C-section and this board just pretty much confirmed it
with a "yes, please!". My mother and grandmother both had their
vaginas FALL OUT later in life because of previous child birth!! They have BOTH
had to have surgery to fix it. Not this girl!!! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Basically, it looks like what used to be my inner vulva were completely ripped away by the baby. The
inside of my vagina is now the outside: bulges of flesh covered with mucus
membranes. What happened to the skin that used to be there? There is a lot more
mess in my panties. Water gets in when I bathe (seems unhygienic).
I have never seen this discussed in any website. Is this what is meant by the
vague items like "you may lose some vaginal muscle tone"??!! More
like had my privates replaced by completely different ones. I feel freaked out
and alienated from my body now.
I did have what the doc described as a 2nd degree tear, which she stitched and
okayed at the checkup later.
I didn't think it was possible to have a sagging A cup but I have achieved
it. One of my boobs even hangs lower than the other and looks like a
goat teet. My stomach doesn't have stretchmarks, but it looks like a
Sharpay (sp)when I bend over.
Let's not even talk about the private parts. Let's just say slender
tampons don't quite work any longer. My husband doesn't seem to mind
though.
I'm seriously considering a boob job. If breast cancer didn't run in
my family I'd do it in a heart beat.
Anybody else considering getting work done?
Is that really why all the stars have c-sections? I thought it was
so they could have tummy tucks at the same time.
and don’t even get me started on my boobs. people always tell me they cant believe
i had a kid i look so good but without cloths on...i don’t feel like i look
good! i feel like I’m gonna scare guys off with my hanging labia. I think a lot
of ladies feel the same way we do! there is always labiaplasty. anyone know
anything about it and about how much it costs? ive seen before and after photos
online, and some of the afters look like mine so i don’t feel so bad but its
still something i would like to look into.
im feeling pre-partum depression if there is such a thing.
This is a bit TMI but I'm desperately trying to find answers to this. I have
the 'bulging' out of my vagina too. It actually sticks out and
somtimes rbs on my panties. Hurts and makes the whole thing sore
honestly. I've asked my GYN about it and he just blows it off as not
knowing what I'm talking about. BUT for some reason when I'm standing up, it
sticks out, if I lay down it goes back in??? Anyone gone through this???? Any
tips on what to tell my gyn to get him to understand? It's horrible having sex
too, makes it really painful most of the time, when I told him that all he did
was give me estragen cream. Sorry that doesn't help the big spot that is
getting irrated. And no it's not from lack of being 'wet' either, it just seems
that the actual act makes it hurt.
I have one kid who is 18 months so I know I've had plenty of time to recover
from childbirth and do kegels yet it doesn't help.
I had a wonderful birthing experience, I was only in labor for 2 hours and I
had an epidural so I had no pain but I actually had a c-sec planned at 39wks
but my baby was born at 36wks. I always knew having a baby vaginally would mess
my crotch up contrary to what people say and I was right!!! If I
could do it all over again I don't know if I would change it or not because I
wouldn't want to take back that moment they laid her on my chest but if I ever
have another baby I am going to ask for a c-sec because like I said, who knows
what would happen if I had a normal size baby.
Hopefully things will get better with time, 5 weeks it's very long. If not, I
guess there's always surgery. I hope that the insecurities go away. I know my
husband loves me and can appreciate what my body has gone through but if I had
to do the whole dating scene again, my gosh, I would be so embarrassed. I hope
that later I can update and be able to say everything is back to normal but
after reading the other posts, I doubt it.
I had another look last night due to some slight pain I continue to suffer down
there and was quite horrified by what I saw. I too have the bulging
out vagina and what looks like lots of excess bits and pieces, together with
the remnants of the hemarroids. I am only 30, and I was blessed in
that I got my slim figure back and do not have any stretch marks - but I feel
like I am secretly disfigured. Sex does hurt when pressure is put on
the area where the episiotomy was made and makes me not want it. I
havent done any pelvic exercises because the physio told me I was doing them
the wrong way and would actually damage my PF muscles more! So I am
at a loss at what to do about any of this. Its comforting to know I
am not the only one feeling like a freak!
I had *** 10 wks ago-natural birth, Im gutted. Your never the same
again. I cant ever imagine being anyway. I have lumps on
the entrance to my vagina (looks like when your sewing and you pull the cotton
too tight and the material ruffles). It hurts to have sex has the
lumps get pulled, Im going to see a doc on Mon. Cant
imagine trying to use a tampon. I hope the doc will be understanding
and not leave me like this.
The scar from having my section is great really neat and low down- I feel
normal from my section. If you have a flat tummy now it will be fine
afterwards. If your tummy is flabby already- you may get what they
call 'over hang'.
I would defo go for the section. If I knew all about vaginal healing
problems before- I would of demanded another section with my 2nd baby.
Heavenly Lord, if you had gone through all the comments, just like I did, you'd
have thought a thousand times, "Why on earth would ALL those women do this
to themselves!???"
I am a child-free woman and I am happy about it! It sure suits me! But after
reading all your comments, it feels like you're gonna screw yourself one way or
the other, whether you pick vaginal or c-section birth!
And about the breast description, I guess that's irrelevant to the delivery
method... so, you're gonna really end up with a very unpleasant shape if you
want to be a mom!
Gosh, that was terrifying...!!!!
Anyway, good luck to y'all..!
From what I’ve seen (two marriages, first children with each) and talked to
male friends, it always changes. The look, feel and tightness will never be the
same. And that’s not to say that sex afterwards is bad, but you should know what’s
coming. From reading through the posts on here, no one ever tells women the
truth and that’s not fair. There is no reason that you should have to find a
board like this to get the truth from other women after the fact.
I’m sure that the next 100 or so posters will argue with me or call me names,
so go ahead and do your worst. I’m willing to take whatever.
Weigh all the possible things that can go wrong with a vaginal birth... there
are A LOT! Like incontinence, vaginal prolapse, anal prolapse, your vagina
opening becoming permanently large, vaginal tearing, urethra tearing, baby
getting stuck, hours of pain, back labor, broken back, broken hip... oh, the
list goes on. I asked my OB, what are the cons of a C-section... and all she
could say was that it was "major surgery"...ok, fine... but what are
the cons like the ones I listed for a vaginal birth... she said, it takes
longer to recover. That's it?!! Really?!! I will take it!!
C-section.. Done!