“Just because you understand why terrible things needed to be done to you doesn’t make them any less traumatizing.”
“I learned things from my childbirth experience and one of those things that stayed with me all these years was how very cruel some women can be to other women.”
“I wonder - If you tortured a man for two or three days; hooked him up to machines; stuck fingers, hands, needles, instruments, probes up his ass; bruised, tore and cut his genitalia; sewed them back up; told him he was a weak failure for expecting pain relief; gave him ice packs and a squirt bottle; expected him to entertain and celebrate afterwards; forced sleep deprivation and humiliation; dismissed his health problems afterwards; forced him to accept unwanted ‘help’ afterwards – would the medical community and society try to get away with telling him his inevitable psychological distress was the result of his low estrogen levels, his ‘advanced’ age, his ‘thinking too much’, his inability to relax, his fatness, his weak mind and his poor attitude? When he said it felt like his guts were coming through his mutilated genitals would anyone tell him this was normal? Would they, with a straight face, tell him it was a medical mystery why he should feel violated –angry-betrayed and irritable? Pat him on the head and say “Ahhh…someone is berry, berry gwumpy. You’ll be better once the raging testosterone subsides.”? Would he have to listen to someone saying they don’t hate men, they love and care for them! And then thank him for honouring them with the opportunity to witness his character building experience? I think the answer to all those questions is an obvious NO. If obstetrics was about men it would be a very different medical specialty.”
“If you can’t beat them, definitely don’t join them.”
“Shouldn’t the goal of quality maternity care be to reduce stress levels for mothers instead of increasing them? They know how harmful stress is to people, yet they won’t listen. I know what stresses me out, not them. I know what risks I’m willing to take, not them. It is not their life and it is not their body. Why do the arrogant types feel they have the right to tell me what is stressful to me and what isn’t?”
“Reading about obstetrics, past and present, is like reading about one long and inhumane experiment orchestrated by the totally clueless and those who hate women very much. I will pass on the motherhood journey, thank you very much. I also wouldn’t want to bring a daughter into this world and risk her being treated the same way.”
“I want you to tell other
women how hard my life is when you can’t control rectal gas or stool. I am an embarrassment to my children and my
husband. They make fun of me. My husband hasn’t found me attractive for
years. He won’t divorce me because he
doesn’t want to look like the bad guy.
If I divorced him my children would abandon me and I would have no
one. He has a girlfriend that I’m not
supposed to know about. I can’t be in
confined spaces with other people without humiliating myself. This means I can’t fly and I can’t take
public transit. I have no friends and I have
no social life. I have a job but I can
only work in situations where I am alone.
When I shop for groceries I do it when the store is the least crowded
and I live with the fear that I could embarrass myself at any time. I haven’t shopped for pleasure since my
second was born. I obsess about what I
eat and when in an attempt to limit episodes, with limited or no success. Incontinence pads and diapers are good for
reducing the smell associated with urinary incontinence but they have no affect
on the smells associated with anal incontinence. I have had anal surgery that was a terrible and
humiliating experience – almost as bad as recovering from the vaginal delivery that
caused the problem in the first place - and was not successful. I am chronically depressed and I bet I have
tried every anti-depressant available.
If I can save just one woman from my situation I will feel my life
hasn’t been totally worthless.”
“My husband calls me the ‘two car garage’ in reference to my new vagina. That is what my son is starting to call me too.”
“I was left naked in a room of people with the door left open for a time before I was wheeled in for prepping and my eventual cesarean. When I asked to be covered the nurse sneered at me and told me the hospital was ‘out of sheets at the moment’. No one can tell me I wasn’t being punished for wanting a cesarean.”
“My Mom lives in an Alzheimer’s ward now.
She hasn’t recognized her grandchildren for several months and she has
to be reminded every time I visit who I am.
She is also re-living the terror of her childbirth experiences. This is something we see all the time,
according to the nurses. They don’t tell
you that in prenatal classes either.”
“I am so ashamed of myself for being gullible enough to believe
them. I have a PhD for Christ sake. I should have known better but I so badly
wanted to believe them.”
"There is no better example of the blind, unmitigated hatred of women in
obstetrics than the phrase “too posh to push”.
No one else undergoing surgery would be subject
ed to such brutishness.”
“If childbirth is supposed to be such a positive experience for a woman
how come I’ve never heard any woman describe her child’s birth where it didn’t
sound like a horror story?” “I won’t have children because of my friend’s experience. It was terrifying. Her husband is a spineless weenie, her in-laws
make her life miserable and her son is a spoiled brat.” “Contraception has always been my best friend.” “Thank you for existing and thank you for sticking up for mothers.” “Thank you for your honesty. My
daughter told me what **** showed and told her.
She listened to **** when she wouldn’t listen to me. The boyfriend was toast the next day. Her grades were up the next report card. I am worried I won’t ever be a grandma but I
didn’t want her to learn by experience either.” “Never, ever again. Only a fool
gets burned by the same match twice.” “Baby paparazzi. What a good
term.” “I don’t know how many times I passed out. I can’t remember. It was lots.” “It is a lie that obstetric fistulas don’t happen in this country and
only happen in developing countries.
There are lots of us out there who know better.”
“Consider the failure on the part of society to comprehend the moral
structure of the world as evidenced by the sanctioned immorality of the
Christian Inquisition, the millennia-old failure of society to recognize women
as persons, slavery, torture as ‘enhanced interrogation’, residential schools,
etc. The list goes on. The abysmal treatment and attitudes toward
women during and after childbearing, throughout time, present time included,
isn’t just about misogyny. Sanctioned inhumanity
can extend to all races and genders, although I do submit that most is directed
at women.”
“A medical specialty that is hell bent on maximizing a woman’s suffering instead of
minimizing it, who has the audacity to call that normal, who deliberately
blocks advancement and who is unable (or unwilling – I don’t know which is more
despicable) to recognize how immoral that behaviour is will continue to be a
medical specialty I will avoid.”
“Misogyny towards women willing to mother is just plain stupid. Is there is a better way to ensure a low
fertility rate and our eventual extinction?”
“I’m having a real problem finding anyone that isn’t seriously loopy.”